This stopping point, this stay-at-home, hasn’t been easy for any of us. It has turned my life, and all of ours, upside down, and shaken it around. It has caused us to come up out of the resulting rubble wondering about the how, the what next, and the why. The simplest of errands has become an exercise in caution. Since I am always about the outfit, I wonder if the mask matches or clashes. How do I wear earrings with this thing? What’s the point of lipstick?
We all have varying struggles with the current reality. Some of us are home with the kids, every stinking minute or the day. Some of us are bored. Some are worried about their job or their loved ones. Some are grateful they like their spouse. Some of us have discovered we don’t. Some of have to go out everyday and work jobs that hardly seemed risky before but now worry about staying safe. I live alone and my extroverted, intuitive self has gone a little bonkers. In the scheme of things, it is a little thing.
Like all extroverts, I get energy from social face-to-face interactions. I have tons of phone calls and screen time with family and friends. My community still exists. It is not, however, the same as talking to a real three-dimensional living breathing person. I find it exhausting which is something I had never considered before.
Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not sitting around crying. I’m adjusting, just like we all are, to today’s world. Today’s. Or maybe April 2020’s world. I have adjusted my world before, several times, in fact. It is the adjustment of figuring out which actions suit your current needs. Am I nostalgic for hopping the car and running to the store for just things, running multiple errands, or going out to breakfast with a friend? You bet! Then there is the fact that I still have an unfinished kitchen so I am still washing my dishes in the bathroom. I just don’t want strangers coming in and breathing into my home. Yet, I am grateful for my life, my home, and the people I love.
I had a realization this morning as I meditated. Some people pay attention to how the breath feels as it enters their nose. Others notice how the belly moves, or pays attention to the exhale. I like to focus on the stopping points, the moment when the breath switches from an inhale to an exhale, and visa versa. I often take a pause before I exhale or inhale. It seems to help me focus.
It seems that this is what I’m doing right now – pausing between breaths. I am at a stopping point. I am ready for the next change that keeps my heart pumping. As I look out the window above my desk, I see the light green shadow of new leaves on the trees. The sky is blue today. I will take it and do a happy dance of simply being alive.
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